When you go online or read a book about self improvement or life hacks to better yourself, it's always far easier when your head is in the right place and you have a positive outlook.
Where it goes to complete shit of course is when you don't have that positive outlook. Your mind is full of negativity and self doubt and all your thoughts are a complete jumble of foggy decisions. I get so frustrated at the default responses from "professionals" who hand out solutions like sweets, "go for walks, exercise more etc." ITS JUST NOT THAT SIMPLE!
Imagine saying to someone who's stuck in bed with flu (man flu is the worst btw), and you try coaxing them to get up and crack on with the day. Whilst I can already hear the subconscious jokes that women do just get on with it, let's be honest here. When you're feeling like utter death, the last thing you want to and quite often physically cannot do is get up and crack on with the day.
That's kind of what it's like for someone who's suffering with depression, where nothing on this planet can get you moving. So when you know in your heart of hearts that going for a walk, reading a book or even worse going to the gym will help release endorphins and help you feel better, the general response from the brain is "fuck that, I just can't and you can't make me".
Time and time again when I have great days, I think just how easy it is to do these simple tasks and without a doubt I enjoy them. But when that dark passenger appears, it's not just the self doubt that kicks in but this overwhelming sensation that physically weighs you down. Any desire to move or do anything is just gone, leaving an empty shell that would rather be left alone.
Cheer up and get on with it...
One of the worst things to say to someone with mental health issues, is cheer up. Would you say to a cancer patient "cheer up?". Depression is a horrendous ball and chain that too many of us carry around, not knowing if we're going to wake up tomorrow feeling great or utterly defeated again. So when we put plans in place to start bettering ourselves because we've had a consistent week of positivity, we'll randomly side swiped by something that triggers another bout of negativity and defeat.
It must be incredibly difficult for those around us not really knowing the mood they're going to be dealing with. It's not like we go out of out way to sabotage our friendships and relationships, but our dark companion doesn't care about that. It doesn't care about anything apart from ensuring our utter misery and suffering no matter what the cost.
Don't let the bastards grind you down...
Easier said than done I know. You had a great day yesterday and achieved so much, yet today it feels like the whole world is against and you and you start wondering why you bother. Somehow you have to hang on to yesterday's positive thoughts and use them as a life line. The darkness will never last forever, but only you can really pull yourself out (with a little support from those around you of course).
Don't forget you're amazing:)