Coping?

I think we forget, sometimes, that life takes effort. Sometimes that effort is little enough that we don’t notice. Sometimes the effort takes a toll on us. I’ve been struggling a lot lately. Life has been taking a toll that I have not been able to balance.

Stress is so hard to quantify or explain. One day, you could be having the most manic day possible, feeling like you are run off your feet, no time to rest, and by the end of it you crash out. But you bounce right back the next day, like it was no sweat at all. Other times it can feel like a very mild day, but one thing, the wrong thing, happens which impacts you in a completely different way, and it wipes you out for days.

Everyone deals with things differently, that is a given. Everyone has different tolerances for different things. Some people are experts at compartmentalising. Some can deal with all manor of physical demands, but can’t handle any emotional strain. Others deal with emotions like they are an Olympic sport, but struggle to carry a grocery bag. With fibromyalgia and depression, I am never quite sure where I am at. Lately I haven’t felt like I could cope with much of anything.

Although. Really. If you think about it, or if I force myself to think about it…I have coped, and I am coping. I am still here, still going, still getting through things, still getting through my day. It is a matter of perspective. And often a matter of language.

My other half was having a really bad day recently. They had wanted to fix something in the house, something they believed should only take an hour. Inevitably…sod’s law, everything that could go wrong, did go wrong, and they spent the whole day fixing one thing. I got home from work and they said “Nothing went right today”. After listening and agreeing that it sounded like an awful day, I did note that, even if the day had been full of issues and struggles, something had gone right…they had fixed the thing they set out to fix.

We talk about coping and not coping with mental illness, health issues, daily struggles. I think it helps, sometimes, to stop and take note of this phrasing and many others we use. I know changing a word in a phrase won’t fix a problem, but it can shift the way we think about a situation. In my partner’s case, it would be incorrect to state “nothing went right” and more accurate to say “lots of things went wrong” …but not everything. Or, if you have a really positive mind set, “It was more challenging than expected, but I got it fixed.”

Often when I feel like I am not coping, what I really mean is that I am not coping as well as I’d like to be. Or as well as I think other people would in the same situation. Or even, not as well as I feel like society expects me to be coping. That last one is a bitch, lets me honest, but that is a rant for another day.

I set out to post on here regularly. It was a new venture, something I was excited about. Something I felt passionately about. However, work got busier, family issues came up, life got harder and my health declined (shocker, I know). So, I had to take a step back. Redirect some of my energy. Focus on the things that were necessary. I don’t know how often I will post, but I will try and keep up with it, and post on Instagram to notify when the next blog is coming.

Remember, you can only do what you can do. No one can do it all.

JT