How do you like your tea?

You know that feeling when your whole life feels like it’s been hit by an earth quake? Everything starts flying everywhere and panic sets in whilst you desperately try and find a safe space to hide, but nothing seems safe, so you cling to a door frame and hope for the best. Then everything goes still and you are left having to pick up the pieces while no longer trusting the ground you walk on. Yer, that feeling. Well, I kind of got bitch slapped by life over the last few months.

I am not quite ready to talk about what happened, but I wanted to make a start at writing this blog again. So, for now, let me talk to you about tea.

Each person, of the people who drink tea, like their tea made in a different way. Some like sugar, some don’t, some like milk, some don’t, some like it so weak it is mostly tea flavoured milk and some like a solid builder’s brew that would, to most, barely be drinkable. Preferences can also change over time. I used to have my tea with milk and two sugars. Now I have less milk and one sugar, and often decaf. Then there are the people who don’t drink tea at all or just green teas, but for now I am not referring to them.

Why am I discussing tea? Yer, I know, kind of random, but stay with me here.

It amazes me how often you can hear people comment on other people’s tea choice. In an office space or a family gathering or general socialisation, there is a middle ground of “safe” tea choices that everyone accepts. Milk, no milk, a sugar or two or none. Those are perfectly acceptable “main stream” options. And if you are a builder, hardy bloke, or labourer of any kind, then the builder’s brew is kind of a given. No problem there.

However, when someone asks for what they want, and when what they want is weak tea, or three sugars, suddenly there are opinions. “But you can barely taste the tea!”, “Three sugars? Do you really need three?” When our choices step even a little outside the social norms we are suddenly subjected to other people’s thoughts on the matter.

Yep, not really discussing tea.

I think some of this goes back to our ancestral days as monkeys. If one of the group strays from what is know to be safe, the pack would become alarmed and on edge until that monkey either proves to be ok or proves the others right to be alarmed. We are shown by media of every kind, what is acceptable and what is “normal”, be it on TV or film or news or in songs, we are constantly being shown how central society thinks things should be done, and if we stray from that…when then we are weird. Different. Odd.

So, should that stop us from doing things the way we like to do them? Hell no!!!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a bit “weird”. I would rather be myself and be considered weird than follow along with the masses just because that is the way the majority feels about how things should be.

Yes, this will cause people to make comments, and the further from the norm you go the more comments people will make… but you will be happier doing things your way rather than sacrificing what you want for the approval of others.

That particular lesson has only recently sunk in for me.

I do also understand that there are some situations where it is necessary to pretend to go along with the masses. I am sorry if you are in those situations. Please seek help where you can.

I spent years compromising who I was in order to liked and not teased by others. This, in turn, led to me being very sad a lot of the time and constantly feeling like I was out of place. I lost track of who I was. It took years of self-reflection and assessing every aspect of who I was to try and get back to being me. Now I have people around me who actually like me for who I am, and don’t try to change me to be who they want me to be. And yes, my tastes have evolved over time, but that is also a part of life and growing up or growing older. But there is a big difference in changing your tastes as you evolve and making choices because you think others will like that better.

Be true to who you are. You are everything you need to be.

JT